October 23, 2007 - By James Olsen - The News Flasher offices had received several inquiries recently asking the same question: "Is Ron Paul for real?" Sensing the importance of this issue to its readership, News Flasher engaged me as a freelance journalist to find some answers. I took to the streets to see what I could find.
"Ron Paul, ain't he something?" said Darlina, a twenty-something professional, in response to my question. "He's going to restore the Constitution!" When I asked Darlina if she had actually met the alleged Mr. Paul in person she became clearly agitated. "Look, he has to be for real, okay? I mean he's...like...in Congress and stuff, isn't he?" Clearly, her trust in Congress was a major strike against her credibility. I'd have to do some further investigation.
Two patrons at a nearby bar were philosophical on the question. "I don't know if he's for real or not," said George, "But his stragedy on defending the constellation is pretty smart. People really like that stuff..." "Constitution," his friend (who wouldn't give his name) gently corrected. "Whatever...just a piece a paper anyhow," mumbled George. I nodded noncomitally and then hurried off when they called the bartender for another round.
I was getting nowhere in a hurry. Wracking my brain for inspiration, I decided to call 4-1-1. "Is Ron Paul real or imaginary?" I asked. "Uhhh, excuse me?" responded the operator. "I'm trying to find out if Ron Paul is for real. Can you help me?" I pleaded, hopeful. The line abruptly ended.
Several further inquiries (including among others, the Oddfellows Lodge, TAPS, and the Lost and Found) netted me no additional details. Watching some television footage, it certainly seemed to me that Mr. Paul must be for real. Still, in this day and age of CGI, who can say?
I will make this statement. I knew Superman. I was a friend of Superman. And you, Mr. Paul, are no Superman.
James "Jimmy" Olsen was on special assignment from the Daily Planet.
