Thursday, October 25, 2007

Shocker: Hillary Divorces Bill, Marries Soros

October 25, 2007 - In a stunning development, Hillary Clinton has filed for divorce from Bill...in order to marry billionaire George Soros.

Coming on the heels of her recent interview with Essence magazine, the divorce is especially jarring. In the interview, Hillary stated:

Now obviously, we've had challenges as everybody in the world knows -- but I never doubted that it was a marriage worth investing in even in the midst of those challenges.


When questioned during the press conference today, Hillary was blunt:

What? That stuff in Essence? Well, I thought I meant it, but then I caught him laying the wood to yet another bimbo. We are done.

Her political handlers are desperately trying to spin this situation to her favor. "This divorce shows that Hillary is able to make decisions in changing circumstances," insisted her campaign manager. "She is able to see through the B.S. and can Move On rather than getting stuck repeating meaningless mantras like "Stay the course" or "Read my lips"."

Still, it will be interesting to see if her presidential aspirations are cut short by cutting Bill adrift. Many detractors have suggested that part of her attraction to the Democratic base is her marriage to Bill Clinton.

"And yet," confided one top Republican operative, "Hillary is only admitting what is already known behind the scenes. George Soros runs the "shadow party". Why keep Slick Willie on as First Husband when she can be with her real sugar daddy? Talk about good investments!"

Bill Clinton couldn't be reached for comment. However, at least one unconfirmed report placed him at a local cigar store.