Blagojevich and Burris Ready to Rumble with US Senate

Let's get ready to ruuuuuuuumble!!!!

Democratic leaders in Congress (as well as President-Elect Barack Obama) have told Roland Burris, Governor Blagojevich's selection to succeed and finish Barack Obama's Senate term, that he'd better not show his face in the Senate next week in Washington. If he does, they'll set the sergeant-at-arms on him with strict orders: Burris is NOT to be allowed on the Senate floor. Period.

Roland Burris, for his part, says he's definitely coming. He's not trying to create a scene but by-golly he IS the governor's appointee and it's all LEGAL as far as he's concerned. Just in case things get really ugly, he's had his mausoleum readied...

The Democrats seem to think they have solid footing to deny Burris an entrance to the Senate. Legal scholars aren't so sure. However, more worrisome to Democrats is the idea that Governor Blagojevich himself might show up along with Burris. Blagojevich does have the right to access the Senate floor, regardless of his recent arrest on corruption charges. Some Democrats think Blagojevich's presence would be "radioactive"...Newsflasher believes they may be missing the point. Denying access to the legally appointed successor is dumb. Even "dumber"...potentially setting up the political spectacle of denying access to a legally appointed successor who happens to be black and who is succeeding to the office vacated by the first black man elected as President. FYI, the Senate has NO OTHER blacks. It is a PR nightmare...

Bring your popcorn, kiddies, this will be interesting!

News Flasher...rising from the dead

News Flasher died...but we're rising from the grave...



Look for us soon...BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

Shocker: Hillary Divorces Bill, Marries Soros

October 25, 2007 - In a stunning development, Hillary Clinton has filed for divorce from Bill...in order to marry billionaire George Soros.

Coming on the heels of her recent interview with Essence magazine, the divorce is especially jarring. In the interview, Hillary stated:

Now obviously, we've had challenges as everybody in the world knows -- but I never doubted that it was a marriage worth investing in even in the midst of those challenges.

When questioned during the press conference today, Hillary was blunt:

What? That stuff in Essence? Well, I thought I meant it, but then I caught him laying the wood to yet another bimbo. We are done.

Her political handlers are desperately trying to spin this situation to her favor. "This divorce shows that Hillary is able to make decisions in changing circumstances," insisted her campaign manager. "She is able to see through the B.S. and can Move On rather than getting stuck repeating meaningless mantras like "Stay the course" or "Read my lips"."

Still, it will be interesting to see if her presidential aspirations are cut short by cutting Bill adrift. Many detractors have suggested that part of her attraction to the Democratic base is her marriage to Bill Clinton.

"And yet," confided one top Republican operative, "Hillary is only admitting what is already known behind the scenes. George Soros runs the "shadow party". Why keep Slick Willie on as First Husband when she can be with her real sugar daddy? Talk about good investments!"

Bill Clinton couldn't be reached for comment. However, at least one unconfirmed report placed him at a local cigar store.

Quote of the Day: Lord Vader

Who's your DADDY!!!

Sheehan Opens Double-Digit Lead Over Franken

October 24, 2007 - Recent polls indicate that activist Cindy Sheehan has opened up a 30-point lead over Al Franken in the race for "Least Relevant Libural". Sheehan supporters were dismayed.

"We believe in you, Cindy!" shouted an enthusiastic Code Pinker at the Crawford Peace House. "Don't give up! Fight for peace! Let's beat the crap out of the war-mongers!" When questioned further she hastily clarified that her words weren't meant to be taken literally.

For his part, Stuart Smalley (known to most as Al Franken) was quoted as saying, "I've never been happier being a big, fat loser."