October 24, 2007 - The venerable Bugs Bunny is back on the scene...this time as an author. Bugs has penned a tale of his journey through life as an atheist, aptly titled "What's Up, God?"
"Let's face it, doc, God ain't out there," he cracked with his trademark cackle and knee slap. "If you think he is, ohhhhh brudder, you're a maroon. Hee hee hee hee!"
Critics charge that Mr. Bunny is simply cashing in on the recent surge in atheistic bestsellers. Some even suggest that the book was actually ghost-written by Richard Dawkins, the noted British atheist.
"Rubbish," answered Dawkins tartly. "I don't believe Bugs Bunny is real. I mean, honestly, I don't believe in God or the Tooth Fairy, whatever makes you think I'm going to give any credence to a talking, bipedal rabbit?"
We contacted Daffy Duck on the set of his new Duck Dodgers movie. Daffy, a devout Pastafarian, had this to say: "He's dessssspicable." When asked for further comment, Daffy bounced away head-over-heels yelling "Woo-hoo, woo-hoo, woo-hoo!"
Porky Pig (on set to play his role as the Eager Young Space Cadet) shook his head ruefully. "G-gosh, did B-b-bugs write that? I buhlee, I buhlee, I believe he m-may be s-singing a different suh-suh-suh...tune, when it's his t-time to s-say "Th-Th-That's all folks!"
Indeed he may, indeed he may. Until then, it's carrot juice on the French Riviera for Bugs.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Dems Unveil New Ad Campaign: F*ck The Neocons!
October 23, 2007 - The Democratic National Committee is set to unveil its new ad campaign, "F*ck The Neocons! Vote Democrat!". DNC operatives have high hopes for the next election cycle and see this series of ads as the proverbial "nail in the coffin". DNC chairman Howard Dean made the following statement:
"We're very excited, very excited. Our PR advisors, Sheister, Huckster & Hoakes, have outdone themselves. 'F*ck the Neocons!' really resonated with our focus groups. Hell, I could hear the hollering from three floors away. Who needs substantive issues? Yeeeeeaaahhh!!!"
Republican strategists were somber. "This campaign could be particularly effective," said Karl Rove. "Not only does it mobilize their base, it also pits the GOP against itself. I tip my hat to them. We're going to have to go back to the drawing board."
Inside sources at Sheister, Huckster & Hoakes confirm that other groups are pursuing similar campaigns. "To demonstrate its versatility, consider that both the NAACP and a white supremacist group are signing on. Use your imagination on the white supremacist's ad...if you know what I mean. The NAACP is considering 'F*ck Da Man: Black Power!'" Other groups allegedly interested include the Girl Scouts of America, the ACLU, and McDonald's. No word on possible tag lines for those groups.
"Even we can't mess this up!" crowed an enthused Dean. "On to victory!"
"We're very excited, very excited. Our PR advisors, Sheister, Huckster & Hoakes, have outdone themselves. 'F*ck the Neocons!' really resonated with our focus groups. Hell, I could hear the hollering from three floors away. Who needs substantive issues? Yeeeeeaaahhh!!!"
Republican strategists were somber. "This campaign could be particularly effective," said Karl Rove. "Not only does it mobilize their base, it also pits the GOP against itself. I tip my hat to them. We're going to have to go back to the drawing board."
Inside sources at Sheister, Huckster & Hoakes confirm that other groups are pursuing similar campaigns. "To demonstrate its versatility, consider that both the NAACP and a white supremacist group are signing on. Use your imagination on the white supremacist's ad...if you know what I mean. The NAACP is considering 'F*ck Da Man: Black Power!'" Other groups allegedly interested include the Girl Scouts of America, the ACLU, and McDonald's. No word on possible tag lines for those groups.
"Even we can't mess this up!" crowed an enthused Dean. "On to victory!"
Annual Houdini Seance On Tap for Halloween
October 23, 2007 - Will Houdini finally escape from death? He died in 1926 but not before promising to escape death. His widow held annual seances for ten years waiting for his spirit to contact her. He and she had devised a secret code before his death to prevent any fakery. She gave up after the tenth year, but asked others to continue each Halloween. It has become an institution and famous people show up each year. Maybe the 81st time will be the charm? HOO-DEE-NEE! HOO-DEE-NEE!
NAMBLA Ecstatic: Dumbledore is Gay
October 23, 2007 - NAMBLA has released the following statement:
"We are delighted that J.K Rowling has confirmed the homosexuality of the character Albus Dumbledore in her Harry Potter series. We here at NAMBLA, of course, had already known this to be true. However, it is unfortunate that Ms. Rowling did not confirm the equally obvious Man-Boy love relationship between Dumbledore and Harry Potter. We urge her to find the courage to go on record on this matter as well. It would be a great support to our cause."
When questioned on this statement, an anonymous NAMBLA member had this to say:
"Please, it is SO obvious. Magic wands? Phallic imagery, hullo! Chamber of secrets, wonder what that could be? Come on, even you should see the metaphor in having Harry Potter living "in the closet" until after he goes to Hogwarts and meets Dumbledore. Geez, did you even read the books?"
Ms. Rowling's people had no comment when contacted. However, there is an unconfirmed report that NAMBLA members have all mysteriously broken out with Pustulating Pustules Pox. Or some such thing.
"We are delighted that J.K Rowling has confirmed the homosexuality of the character Albus Dumbledore in her Harry Potter series. We here at NAMBLA, of course, had already known this to be true. However, it is unfortunate that Ms. Rowling did not confirm the equally obvious Man-Boy love relationship between Dumbledore and Harry Potter. We urge her to find the courage to go on record on this matter as well. It would be a great support to our cause."
When questioned on this statement, an anonymous NAMBLA member had this to say:
"Please, it is SO obvious. Magic wands? Phallic imagery, hullo! Chamber of secrets, wonder what that could be? Come on, even you should see the metaphor in having Harry Potter living "in the closet" until after he goes to Hogwarts and meets Dumbledore. Geez, did you even read the books?"
Ms. Rowling's people had no comment when contacted. However, there is an unconfirmed report that NAMBLA members have all mysteriously broken out with Pustulating Pustules Pox. Or some such thing.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)